Ok, I'm here. I arrived safe and sound in Saas-Fee at EGS. I have a mild headache and generally feel awful from the jetlag. Last year I took these herbal "no jetlag!" pills and I thought they were silly, but now I realize that they're not. I felt so much better then. The flight left nyc at 5pm and arrived in Zurich at 9am. Some people managed to sleep, and I should've, since I woke up at 7am to get to the airport by 9:30 for my flight from miami, but no, I couldn't sleep. On the train and the bus from Zurich to Saas-Fee I slept a little bit, and then took a nap as soon as I arrived, so I'm totally out of whack!
To rewind a bit, I told my father the day before I flew out that I am genderqueer and transgender. I was so nervous, terrified even. I had no idea how he would react, with anger, violently, yelling, I couldn't imagine. He's a strict catholic with a Jesus bumper sticker and a cross on his dashboard, as many colombian people are...
technorati tags: queer, genderqueer, transgender, zurich, egs, saasfee
He knew that I had come over just to tell him something and asked me a few times what it was and I stalled. Finally, I just said "I want to tell you something and I don't want you to freak out. I realized this year that I'm transgender, which means that I don't identify as a man, but I also don't identify as a woman, I just want to be myself. I've felt like this for a long time and only now feel like I have a supportive community so I can do what I want."
He took is so well. My dad's really great after all. Mostly he was confused, asking me what that meant, when and where I "dress like a woman", what my brothers and sisters think, etc. He asked if I'm homosexual a couple of times and I tried to clarify the difference for him.
He talked about it a lot, but was mostly concerned witht he difficulty of being open about this and the way people will react and the possibility for violence. He said its just one more reason to worry about me, as he said, "we worry when you go to chiapas, with the guerrillas, what will happen and now we'll worry about this too", we being him and my stepmother.
I was so relieved. He talked a lot. I think he was mostly talking through it and trying to understand. Ultimately, he said "well, what can ya do? I love you whatever you want to do". It was weird to hear him try to talk about sex and gender within his concept of god and he said things like "freedom isn't just doing whatever you want, you can't just run around and shoot people, your freedom ends where other's people's freedom begins... but i know that some people live in hiding for their whole lives and you need to live in a way that you think is true to yourself." Wow, I'm so surprised with him and impressed just thinking about it and remembering it.
So now, here I am, after a long trip by two planes, a train and a bus and I'm tired as hell. I'm just going to send some email and get some sleep! I'm so looking forward to feeling normal again.
Dinner was good. Well, the food asn't very good, salad and spaghetti, but eating dinner with Avital Ronell was great. It's just nice to get to know people you've read and respect so much.
